My Wife, Social Media And I

Our home has always been a private territory. That was the decision my wife and I took over two decades ago after our marriage. We no doubt are happy about this decision as over the years, we have found joy in each other’s company; longing to return home from our daily routines outside the home to a warm embrace.

We spend our evenings together cooking and eating dinner while watching the late night news and trading stories about how the day went.

We have all through the years jealously guarded this routine and it did not change much even with the arrival one after the other of our “fantastic four ” Mummy and Daddy time was non negotiable . We bonded well, never tired of talking and praying together, sharing jokes and throwing banters.

I have however realised in the not too recent past that as private and guarded as our territory has been, there is one that constantly creeps in at will, barges in at other times, insists on being attended to and to my chagrin shares our very special intimate moments… your guess is as good as mine. This rude, insistent and impatient intruder is the Social Media and my wife sure has a weakness for it!

So, while I admit I am a happy husband, I believe I and many other regular guys out there with great wives will be happier still if our wives are conscious of the following:

  1. Spousal communication must not be impeded by the gadgets we call smart phones, i pads, laptops, tablets and so on.
  2. There is the possibility if we are not careful for one to be physically present at home or proximate to each other, yet to have wandered far away. Quality of companionship is being greatly compromised. I want my wife to look into my eyes while we are having a conversation rather than the screen of the very ugly, though expensive smartphone (lol @ ugly.)
  3. Connecting emotionally, spiritually and mentally with someone you have never met or not physically interacted with in thirty long years is a possibility! Relationship gaps that should be discussed and mended are fast getting filled up by online friends and virtual adultery becoming the order of the day. When we complain, we are not being paranoid. The statistics of homes breaking up on account of this are alarming!

I will be a happier husband therefore when my wife refuses to respond to her many chats when we are in bed and when she deliberately keeps her phone away from our dinner table either at home or in a restaurant. Not allowing social media to interrupt our “we time” is another definition of “respect” and just before you scream “you are a kettle calling a pot black” I raise my arms in submission! I am guilty as charged! I admit that what is good for the goose is also good for the gander. I promise to also take note of the points above and abide by the rules being proposed. After all, a happier husband deserves a happier wife. Doesn’t he?

Dayo Adebayo

‘Dayo is a lawyer who has been in private practice for about 24 years and presently the Managing Partner of Adebayo & Adebayo (Legal Practitioners), a Business and Commercial law firm based in Lagos, Nigeria.

He is married to Bisi Adebayo and they both have four children; two adults, one teenager and a pre-teenager. He was once the Chairman of the Parents Teachers Association (PTA) of one of the leading schools in Lagos. He is presently the Dean of School of Parenting, Daystar Christian Centre.

He is passionate about good parenting and a much sought speaker on parenting and family matters.
Dayo Adebayo

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Dayo Adebayo

‘Dayo is a lawyer who has been in private practice for about 24 years and presently the Managing Partner of Adebayo & Adebayo (Legal Practitioners), a Business and Commercial law firm based in Lagos, Nigeria. He is married to Bisi Adebayo and they both have four children; two adults, one teenager and a pre-teenager. He was once the Chairman of the Parents Teachers Association (PTA) of one of the leading schools in Lagos. He is presently the Dean of School of Parenting, Daystar Christian Centre. He is passionate about good parenting and a much sought speaker on parenting and family matters.

15 thoughts on “My Wife, Social Media And I

  • February 14, 2016 at 11:35 am
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    Very interesting article. I was drawn to the title because I’m guilty of getting lost in cyberville regularly. There is just something about social media that ministers to a woman’s need to connect with other women. But point taken, we would make ammends.

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  • February 15, 2016 at 8:32 am
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    How about ‘My husband, social media and us.The table can turn either way I believe.Its a decision both parties need to consciously make and I’m typing this while at breakfast table with hubby.Got to run….

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  • February 15, 2016 at 10:40 pm
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    I think men are more guilty o

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  • February 18, 2016 at 8:45 am
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    Very true men r more guilty sometimes I feel like stoning him… LOL

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  • February 20, 2016 at 8:25 am
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    Lol! It a two way thing both parties are guilty.
    Like he rightly adviced / suggested we should work at it, its a delibrate decision that must be made & kept.

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  • February 20, 2016 at 6:21 pm
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    Yea the write up is on point and i will like to add further that currently the rate at which social media is wrecking
    marriages is alarmingly bt unfortunately pple re not paying attention to this all in the guise of equal right in marriage.
    Most male folks are guilty but the wives shld be able to draw their men by using their power of seduction and others to claim their homes but again they are as much guilty as the men and the major wrecking tools are always Facebook and WhatsApp.

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    • May 2, 2017 at 1:33 pm
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      Why must the onus always be transferred to the woman? why must she seduce him or force or cajole him to do what he should choose to do? And it’s the same men who will say ‘stop mothering me’ or ‘stop telling me what to do, you are not my mother’. abeg. i’m tired of this wife thing. wish i neve even started it.

      Reply
  • February 23, 2016 at 11:00 am
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    Hhhmmmggg. The social media has eaten deep into our home and relationship. At this point of my reading this write up, it is one of my listed reasons to leave the man I’ve given 7yrs of my life to. I’ve taken d first step and I don’t think I want to retrace…. Thank you all the same.

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  • February 23, 2016 at 9:20 pm
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    your comments are quite valid Mojisola. I know decisions like the one you have made must have been well thought out. You may however wish to consider some perspectives that you might not have fully taken into consideration. A review of your stance in such a situation may not be totally out of place. Do feel free to contact me .

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  • March 7, 2016 at 5:42 pm
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    It true it is a two way thing and can be resolved amicably

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  • March 9, 2016 at 1:06 pm
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    We are all guilty. Our children are also not left out. We need to really consider all that Dayo said, otherwise, intimacy may be eroded.

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    • May 1, 2018 at 2:04 am
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      We are not ALL guilty of THIS particular “offence”. I am not hooked at all on social media. While I sometimes enjoy my occasional time on social media (which for me means only WhatsApp), I more often go there only out of a sense of “duty” to respond to important messages and it is often just before I go to bed at night! My wife is the opposite (she is compulsively engaged) and she is the one always showing me one funny post or the other – on one occasion even while I was driving on the highway! My own “addiction” is football which is no less engrossing and potentially problematic. The only difference is that football is not an everyday 24/7 temptation. We must all identify what competes for, and often disrupts, our quality time together as a couple or as a family and we must do something about it.

      Reply
  • August 15, 2017 at 2:57 pm
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    Beautiful piece delivered beautifully! I like the ‘playful’ tone of delivery. I used to be badly as guilty as charged but hey, had to ‘repent’ albeit not so successfully… for now!

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  • May 1, 2018 at 10:04 pm
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    Lots of food for thought there! It is said that raising kids that become great adults takes deliberate parenting. Having a great marriage also requires concerted cultivation…. all the time!
    I used to tell my new husband (years ago) that I wouldn’t share our bed with electronic gadgets. I think these days though, he probably should be telling me he wouldn’t share it with social media. Thanks for the reminder that … wives and husbands should live by the same rules.

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  • May 8, 2018 at 3:16 am
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    Some use it as distraction from worry, some because they can’t have ‘quarrel free’ conversation with spouse end up on social media.
    There is a rule in my home, once it’s 9pm no carrying of any gadgets,we haven’t been faithful but will get more conscious of it -daddy & mummy bonding time!
    Thanks for sharing

    Reply

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