Many times we are told that once a man loves a woman and the woman loves him in return, then their eventual marriage will be like one made in heaven. I have however seen couples who at the inception of their relationships were head over heels in love gradually drifting apart when confronted with the realities of daily interaction and coping with the issues that come to the fore, brought to the surface by their innate differences.
This often makes me wonder and ponder! “Is love ever always enough”?
Let us closely look at the rich girl, poor guy scenario. It looks very romantic when viewed on the screens. It is usually a favourite of movie producers. It usually goes like this: A wretchedly poor boy through the benevolence of a distant relative or through rugged determination, sees himself through school. While in school or in the course of his career, he meets a girl with a privileged background. All hell is usually let lose by both or one of the girl’s parents who feel the ‘poor ‘ guy is not good enough for their daughter. They put all sorts of stumbling blocks across their pathway but while we the spectators allow our emotions to rise and fall to the rhythm dictated by the plot being woven by the script writer, the quiet assurance that a common thread runs through all plots that are similar to this would usually calm my nerves and prevent my blood pressure from soaring through the roof. That common thread usually is that love triumphs… but wait a minute… love triumphs on the screens but in real life, does it always triumph? and when it does, at what cost? What are the usual underlying issues that are grappled with?
Life Philosophy & Outlook
No matter how determined both parties are to keep things normal and stable, one of the few things that must find a way to float to the surface like smoke is the sharp difference in the general outlook to life, exposure and life philosophy. The rich girl is likely to have a broader outlook to life, a wider exposure and liberal philosophy. When measured against her husband’s outlook, exposure and philosophy, her perspectives will most likely differ and her husband may soon interpret that to mean she has her nose up in the air, is proud or wasteful. If he is sensible and reasonable to take into consideration her background, his family members may not and they will most likely launch a grand offensive to put the little princess in her place. Can you really blame Miss. silver spoon? A washing machine was a necessity while she was growing up and it was unimaginable to be in a car with no air conditioning, not with the sweltering heat. She therefore is likely to put comfort high on her priority list as against functionality.
Dreams & Reality
Another key area is when it comes to envisioning and planning a future. The rich girl is likely to dream big while, depending on the effects that lack and deprivation might have had on the poor guy, he might play safe and refuse to aspire for much. He thinks the rich girl is being unrealistic in her desires and may just conclude that she is ungrateful, discontent and covetous. She in turn wonders why he is not pushful and concludes that he lacks ambition. She therefore gets tempted to dream, plan and leave him behind in the murky waters of a poverty mindset.
The Past & What It May Bring
It is also possible that the poor guy sticks to his old friends, most of them with similar backgrounds and outlook as his. The rich girl may just find it a little bit difficult to come to terms with the introduction to this new social circle. Even though she met them while courting or dating him, she calmed her skepticism with plans to gradually introduce him to her own circle of friends. While this works in some instances depending on the personality of the guy and the level of his self esteem, in some others, the poor guy may believe he sticks out like a sore thumb and vote fully for his home crowd where he doesn’t need to pretend or keep up with appearances nor aspire to live up to anyone’s expectations. Unfortunately, the rich girl might rather not hang out with his crowd because she finds their reasoning and mannerisms odd and without planning to, she comes off to them as being condescending. This infuriates the poor guy who thinks she is too rude and proud to be accommodating and warm to his friends and family.
If help is not quickly sought and obtained, what started out as a fairytale fit for the screens may well end up with both the rich girl and the poor guy living totally different lives, frustrated, angry and bitter, their children being very much at the receiving end.
Part 2 of this discourse will address how a situation like this should be managed. How can the relationship of the two and by extension their marriage be salvaged? But before then, please join the discussion by sharing your perspectives. Feel free to share your experience or that of someone you know. A rich girl or a poor guy may just read and realise his or her folly or even give himself or herself a pat on the back for a skillful navigation. So long my people!