Time To Flee For Dear Life

I have recently noticed that most of the really bad cases of spousal verbal, emotional or even physical abuse I have had cause to meddle in are being perpetrated by men who cannot be called to order by anyone.

In most cases, they have no mentor or spiritual father figure, are usually the golden boys in their families and as such even their parents walk on egg shells around them.

It got me thinking – how do we save our sisters and daughters from wolves in sheep’s clothing?

What are the warning signals?

  1. When a suitor tells you he owes nobody an explanation for the way he chooses to live his life – take off.
  2. When a guy throws tantrums and acts like the world revolves around him. Don’t wait to pick your scarf, just zoom off
  3. When he has anger problems. You notice he is temperamental and can’t hold his temper in check, get him into therapy or you may very well become his punching bag.
  4. When your lover boy acts like he is doing you a favour by dating you…you will soon have him walking all over you if you don’t engage the gear of your life and accelerate to a safe distance.
  5. When your so called knight in shining armour looks down on your parents or has his nose up in the air around your poorer relatives, he may not allow your siblings sit on the settee in the living room of your home.
  6. When your Mr. Right expects you to pay when he takes you out to eat or you end up paying each time you ride in a cab together or he asks you to loan him money, take off or you may end up having nothing to show for all your years of hard work and toil in Lagos.
  7. When your love struck Mr. Romantic asks for nude pictures, take off and remember to take your brain along. A blackmailer and fraudster just came calling.
  8. When he tells you not to work and that he will provide for all your needs. He is likely trying to make sure you are not empowered and wants to dominate you.
  9. When lover boy is so loving and possessive – he tells you to cut away from friends and family and insists social media is a time waster or the antichrist. It is a plot to isolate and eventually abuse you.
  10. When you don’t know what he does for a living apart from being a “business man” or an importer and exporter of invisible products.
  11. When he is your worst critic, sees nothing good in what you do and is constantly trying to cut you to size, he is a small minded man and will not be able to tolerate a successful and confident wife.
  12. When he tells you he has been living abroad for years until recently and cannot supply accurate details of where he lived, schooled or worked, has nothing to show for his long years of sojourn, then be careful. He may be a drug addict that was deported.
  13. When it was his mum, grandma or concerned aunt that did the toasting and the man himself acts like he can’t woo a woman, yet is in a hurry to tie the knots, he may be a junkie just out of rehab and his mum is desperate to marry him off before he goes back to his vomit so he can father a grandchild or two.

Our Single sisters should please look right, left, right again, look up, ahead and behind before crossing the road. Traffic is something else these days…😏😏

Can the WAGS in the house please add to or delete from my list above?

Let’s walk it together.

Bisi Adebayo
Latest posts by Bisi Adebayo (see all)

Bisi Adebayo

I am Bisi Adebayo, a dynamic woman of many parts. I am a lawyer with over 27 years’ work experience spanning maritime practice, commercial law and general practice. I have had a decade long foray into the Financial Services Industry and at various times oversaw the legal, marketing, credit and treasury (assets trading and intermediation) functions of the organization I worked for, a testament to my versatility.

17 thoughts on “Time To Flee For Dear Life

  • January 22, 2018 at 5:32 pm
    Permalink

    When he feels he is doing you a favour by having premarital sex with you….. please run for dear life.

    When he feels embarrassed taking you out to social gatherings….please let go of him.

    Reply
    • January 24, 2018 at 6:14 am
      Permalink

      You got that right! When he looks for excuses to prevent you from meeting his friends and family…na real trouble be dat

      Reply
    • January 24, 2018 at 6:17 am
      Permalink

      You got that right. When he looks for excuses to keep you from meeting his friends and family…na trouble be day…lol

      Reply
  • January 22, 2018 at 5:36 pm
    Permalink

    Nice one, and very instructive too: if only our yet-to-be-married sisters will not be blinded by “love.”

    Reply
  • January 22, 2018 at 6:05 pm
    Permalink

    It beats my imagination that some ladies after reading beautiful instructive & educative write ups like this still go ahead, close their eyes & marry, all in the name of love is blind, making mistakes that can be totally avoided.
    Weldone ma.

    Reply
  • January 22, 2018 at 7:17 pm
    Permalink

    Very detailed and well thought out write up. Unfortunately, loads of women still fall into these traps, blinded by desperation or love ………maybe lust. The tell tale signs are always there in courtship and never suddenly manifest in marriage. Our ladies need to adopt the counsel of opening their eyes wide in courtship and half shut when married.

    Reply
  • January 22, 2018 at 8:01 pm
    Permalink

    When he constantly tells you that he wants u to be the mother of his children instead of asking u to be his wife…. watch it… he may just be interested in getting someone who will have children for him and not a soul mate.

    Reply
    • January 22, 2018 at 11:58 pm
      Permalink

      I disagree. More often than not, he is bereft of ideas of what a really romantic line is. He probably thinks this sounds very nice and portrays him as a serious long-term-thinking suitor not a hit and run jerk. He is wrong, of course, but it is most likely an honest mistake rather than a pointer to mischievous intentions.
      And, mind you, in some cases THAT line is actually received positively- depending on the personality and circumstances of the ‘recipient’.

      Reply
      • January 24, 2018 at 6:27 am
        Permalink

        Hmmmnh! You are right there. Many ladies actually swoon on hearing this! It represents commitment and serious mindedness…but when it is reiterated over and over again, then there may be cause for concern…

        Reply
    • January 24, 2018 at 6:20 am
      Permalink

      Many have become mere baby making machines…God help us.

      Reply
  • January 22, 2018 at 9:16 pm
    Permalink

    Beautiful Sisters, love is NOT blind. Be observant in the relationship. Watch him, his interactions with his friends and family. Listen closely… Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. A person who does not value you, does not respect you or your family, isn’t for you.

    Love alone is not enough for marriage. There has to be a shared faith, trust, mutual respect, friendship and caring. Not just feeling. Feelings come in waves, but a solid foundation will stand the test of time. Even if you’ve been dating for donkey years, a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.

    Reply
    • January 24, 2018 at 6:21 am
      Permalink

      Please shout this from the mountain tops sis!

      Reply
  • January 23, 2018 at 12:20 am
    Permalink

    I love this write up. I pray that our precious sisters and daughters will learn from people’s mistakes and choose wisely! He that has ears….

    Reply
  • January 23, 2018 at 12:30 am
    Permalink

    Nice one for sisters on the verge of getting married. Marriage is not to be endured, it is to be enjoyed.
    So go extra mile to give what it takes now to have a marriage full of unending enjoyment. Nice piece Ma.

    Reply
  • January 23, 2018 at 3:50 pm
    Permalink

    No woman should stay under the guise of “it is for better or for worse “and condone being battered or even worse getting killed.
    The first time he hits is the beginning of many more. First hit is a wake up call to flee.

    Reply
  • January 23, 2018 at 5:49 pm
    Permalink

    Witty article, had me in stitches.
    Seriously though, the warning signs are there. Single ladies, please shine your eye. Let’s stop making excuses for these wolves.
    Please, please, please don’t be desperate, gullible or both.
    Even if one lives an abusive marriage, the scars run deep.

    Reply
  • January 24, 2018 at 11:18 pm
    Permalink

    Thank you for watching out for our single sisters. What about our married ones who have found themselves in this situation for whatever reason?! What should they do?

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.