When There Isn’t Enough

I once heard that the true test of love, loyalty and commitment of a woman is often revealed when there is little or no money in a marriage while that of the man is brought to the fore when there is too much of it. How true this can be!

I believe the starting point in marriage is to decide at the beginning of your relationship what place money will have in your home. Consciously decide that money will be a servant, not a master. Remind yourselves of the fact that it is a means to an end, not an end in itself. Difficult as this may sound, you can decide that the scarcity or abundance of money will not be the determining factor of the extent or intensity of your love.

Remembering the early years of my marriage makes me nostalgic….Then it seemed like we never had enough money…..sitting down with my Dayo to navigate the course of our murky finances definitely brought us closer. This experience together with my many interactions with women in the course of counseling them on the right attitude to display when facing a financial crisis, taught me three key lessons I will like to pass on here:

  1. No matter how grim the future looks, never voice or act out a regret of your choice of a husband. Words spoken and attitudes displayed in such seasons have a special way of coming back to haunt you when the good seasons arrive.
  2. Be willing to give up a few comforts or necessities if and when the need arises. Many of your planning sessions at a point in time may center around cutting expenses. Offer by yourself to let go of some of your expense items without being cajoled or persuaded. It mostly doesn’t serve the purpose when it has been forcefully plied out of your clenched fists! Sacrifices made in moments like this have a way of yielding bountiful harvests in the years ahead.
  3. Because seasons like these can be very low moments for the guy in your life, feelings of inadequacy may creep in. Mood swings and withdrawal symptoms should be watched out for. The antidote is a lot of encouraging words, affirmations of love, voicing out your support and trust in his competence and leadership. All the above suggestions coupled with a lot of tender loving care (TLC) work like magic! It is the worst time to deny him sex under any guise. As a matter of fact, i recommend a consistent offering of sexual favors. It boosts your man’s confidence and enhances his ability to march out there and give all it takes to win the bread that makes him the breadwinner. You know what? You may just discover some butter, jam, tuna and mackerel are accompanying the bread!

Over to you ladies! What lessons have you learnt?

Photo Credit: LiuTao via Compfight cc

Bisi Adebayo
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Bisi Adebayo

I am Bisi Adebayo, a dynamic woman of many parts. I am a lawyer with over 27 years’ work experience spanning maritime practice, commercial law and general practice. I have had a decade long foray into the Financial Services Industry and at various times oversaw the legal, marketing, credit and treasury (assets trading and intermediation) functions of the organization I worked for, a testament to my versatility.

3 thoughts on “When There Isn’t Enough

  • February 14, 2016 at 3:38 pm
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    This is very good advice for us women especially the younger generation. Our mothers did a lot in those days to keep the family going and many were bread winners but there was respect and submission on their part and no one needed to know but now it’s a different ball game entirely.

    Reply
  • February 16, 2016 at 1:11 am
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    Message…true words ma, l am personal ly facing this In marriage and with God am trying real hard. but one encouraging thing for me is that my husband is always proud to say to every one he has an understand ing wife, meanwhile am sweating but l just thank God becos He has really put In us women what it takes to face any heat in marriage.

    Reply
  • February 18, 2016 at 10:06 am
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    Kudos Bisi. Nice one

    Reply

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