Why Shouldn’t You Propose?

  1. So you finally met the man of your dreams and all is perfect … or near perfect as it is.
  1. He has all the qualities you desire except for his inability to voice out a proposal.
  1. You have convinced yourself he really wants to but for this phobia…and he may just need some help
  1. Who is better suited to help him if not you … after all your eventual job description is “helpmeet”
  1. As a help meet to be, why can’t you help out by proposing to him rather than him proposing to you?
  1. Our world has witnessed a substantial whittling down of gender, roles and responsibilities
  1. The lines are getting more blurred by the day and it is daily taking a toll on societal expectations.
  1. In the midst of the ensuing hullabaloo, some cultural, societal and religious values must be held sacrosanct.
  1. One of such is the importance of the family unit and the important role it plays in societal development.
  1. The collective strength of a nation is a reflection of the aggregate strength of its family units.
  1. The foundation of every such unit and ability of the major players to deliver value as intended by God is key.
  1. God stated in clear terms the foundational role of the man and the woman in the formation of this unit
  1. Proverbs 18:22 says he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord.
  1. There must be a looking for, a finding and an obtaining, roles biblically reserved for the man.
  1. In courtship, the man is the pursuer and the woman is the object of his focus and pursuit.
  1. This pursuit should lead to a desire in the man to capture and detain for retention, hence a formal proposal
  1. There have been instances where the pursuit went on for years and a desire to capture was not demonstrated
  1. It is perfectly in order to request a clear direction for the relationship. Let him verbalise his intentions
  1. A request for intentions to be laid bare has been instrumental in revealing the mental maladies of some guys
  1. How else do you diagnose a guy who has hung around for years eating snails & fresh fish free of charge?
  1. What options are available to a lady whose heartthrob refuses to propose in spite of all the hints?
  1. Taking the bull by the horns may seem reasonable, after all they say what is good for the goose.
  1. Proposing to a guy gives the impression that you were desperate and couldn’t wait to be asked
  1. Even if he says yes, you may spend a lifetime wondering if it was out of pity or a genuine desire to have you
  1. If his acceptance is indeed out of a genuine desire to be with you, why doesn’t he do you the honour of asking?
  1. If he says no, then something within you dies. It will take more than a healthy self-esteem to bounce back
  1. It is good to marry but better to be with a man who really desires to spend the rest of his life with you
  1. If you truly desire a man who will lead and who deserves your love and respect, then allow him take the lead.
  1. A guy should be man enough to go for who he wants and not be coerced or persuaded into it.
  1. Taking the opportunity to propose away from the man may be tantamount to emasculating him.
  1. When a lady assumes the role of the proposer, she sets herself up to become the pursuer.
  1. We cannot however deny the fact that there may be cultural or peculiar situations that may alter the norm
  1. A case in point is that of the proposal from Ruth to Boaz. Check it out in chapters 3 & 4 of the book of Ruth.
  1. Ruth actually did propose and it augured well for her. So well that she made it to the family tree of Jesus
  1. Just before you run off to go on bended knee before that bloke, take note of her peculiarities…
  1. Going by her circumstances, Ruth could not date or be courted by anyone. She had a very restricted circle.
  1. For Ruth, it had to be her late husband’s close relative so that his lineage could be preserved.
  1. She was not an attractive choice. Ruth 4:6 made it sound like she was a burden that will reduce value
  1. Ruth was actually openly verbally rejected by one other close relative for fear she would ruin his inheritance
  1. Ruth in today’s language was like a damaged product, an infected livestock that no farmer wants near his herd
  1. Naomi who understood the culture took steps to protect her vulnerability by suggesting the kind & mature Boaz
  1. Boaz himself was discreet, protecting her honour & asking that her visit be kept secret. He did not flaunt it
  1. Ruth in my estimation is therefore not the standard example to emulate in this regard. Watch who & what you copy
  1. The circumstances she found herself in were deep and complex. She was very vulnerable but a way was made for her
  1. If you are vulnerable & viewed like a damaged product that ruins value, then you may very well consider proposing
  1. I urge the single ladies out there to keep adding value to who they are. Hold your heads up high!
  1. Reject every philosophy that labels you as vulnerable, damaged, desperate and needy, hunting on bended knee.
  1. Be that value adding asset that a reasonable and strong man worthy of your love & respect will do all to have
  1. Don’t settle for less. A treasure is searched out and found. Who ever saw diamond or gold begging to be mined?

Keep the conversation on till I come your way again… So long dear girlfriends!

Bisi Adebayo
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Bisi Adebayo

I am Bisi Adebayo, a dynamic woman of many parts. I am a lawyer with over 27 years’ work experience spanning maritime practice, commercial law and general practice. I have had a decade long foray into the Financial Services Industry and at various times oversaw the legal, marketing, credit and treasury (assets trading and intermediation) functions of the organization I worked for, a testament to my versatility.

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